Fighteeng!

Holy cow! I can’t believe I’m reading this… the Chosun Ilbo got a copy of North Korea’s revised constitution, which I didn’t think anything ever needed revision up there given the dictatorship keeps its people stuck in the 1950s.   Turns out Dear Leader thinks that communism is not really turning out as he had hoped… uh..  it took him how many years to figure that out?

North Korean leader Kim Jong-il apparently explained the deletion of the word “communism” from the country’s constitution, which was revised in April. “It is difficult to comprehend communism. I will try to get socialism right,” Kim was reported as saying by a spokesman for the state-run Minju Chosun newspaper.

He’s going to try and get socialism right?  One, I don’t think he has much time left to try,  and two, who is he benchmarking his definition of socialism against?   USA?  Possibly, if he watches enough of the fair and balanced FOX News coverage of the healthcare debate.

The spokesman was talking to South Korean reporters on the sidelines of inter-Korean family reunions in Mt. Kumgang. “This is the reason behind the deletion of ‘communism’ from the constitution,” he said. “Communism is meant to be a one-class society where there is no distinction between exploiter and exploited, but that system cannot exist while American imperialism lasts.”

Huh?  So does that mean Dear Leader will put the communism words into the constitution back once he nukes the evil empire that is USA?  But if that ever happens, won’t he have achieved his goal of getting socialism right by that time?

Or maybe Dear Leader is just lobbying for some UN speech time, like this Gaddafi guy, who earned it by giving up his WMDs.

Well, whatever he finally ends up with will likely not do a darn thing to improve the lives of millions of his own starved, tortured, abused non-exploited citizens.  I don’t believe it when one of the changes also include this gem:

Clause 8 stipulates that it is the state’s responsibility to protect the human rights of citizens. The old constitution held the state responsible only for the people’s safety and welfare.

Ironically, these constitutional revisions allegedly occurred in April, which is around the same time when the two US journalists were captured by North Korean soldiers for spying. I think he’s defining human rights in proportion to how he will define socialism.

If anyone ought to be proficient in English, you’d think diplomats would certainly be.  That apparently isn’t the case in a revealing yet scathing editorial in the Dong-A Ilbo, titled “English Ineptness of Diplomats”.  Ouch.

Former U.S. Secretary of State Colin Powell once expressed anger while in office, pledging never to meet again with Korea’s foreign minister. Powell could not converse with the Korean minister, who kept reading prepared memos. The minister was incapable of communicating in English despite being a career diplomat for more than 40 years. He responded to the criticism by claiming he prepared written speeches to more clearly communicate his message, but this episode remains a “notable incident” stemming from the poor English of Korean diplomats.

The editorial goes on to report that although the English requirement is higher for diplomats than other ministries, it doesn’t explain why the requirement is disregarded for a disturbingly high percentage of diplomats that score poorly.

“In all, 19.6 percent of the test takers failed to score level four, or a level ‘deemed enough for conducting diplomatic work seamlessly.’ In a TEPS test conducted on officials of Grade 5 or lower, 36 of 80 test takers got level five or failure.”

Even Ban Ki Moon, the UN secretary general, has weak English skills that hinders his job.

One clue might be what was uncovered in a similar editorial in the Chosun Ilbo that described the favorable bias that the domestic media has for its sports stars:

“Former prime minister and incumbent Korean ambassador to the U.S. Han Duck-soo once said it was difficult for him to be vocal when he knew there were so many people who were fluent in English.”

Ahh, so he’s carries an entourage of translators with him?  Or perhaps, the reason for the lack of English is even more appalling, that perhaps these diplomats aren’t really qualified to begin with (which suggests to me these appointments are just political rewards):

“Whether it is the mother tongue or a foreign language, content is what matters. Once a person is sure about what he or she wants to express, the words will come out. People who cannot speak either have nothing to say or do not know what to say.”

Whatever the case is here, there appears to be a market opportunity to train diplomats in English with more urgency than the pressure parents place on school kids.

In light of all the fuss and overzealous efforts to protect everyone against the flu, I read from the New York Times a  study that confirms what our moms always knew.

“In a recent study for The Archives of Internal Medicine, scientists followed 153 men and women for two weeks, keeping track of their quality and duration of sleep. Then, during a five-day period, they quarantined the subjects and exposed them to cold viruses. Those who slept an average of fewer than seven hours a night, it turned out, were three times as likely to get sick as those who averaged at least eight hours.

Boy, how would you like to be a participant for this study by being sleep deprived, quarantined and exposed to viruses?  But in Korea, parents submit their kids to a very similar environment that is popularly known as the “hagwon”.  According to the Korea Times, teenagers sleep an average of 5.4 hours  a day, which is not surprising to anyone who has stepped foot on this country, but in the same article, there was apparently a bill backed by Lee Myung Bak last year to let hagwons stay open as long as they want.

According to Choi Byeong-hwan of the Grand National Party: “Society is mature enough to handle such liberty. Regulation is worse.”

Uh, I don’t think so, because according to a representative of the Korean Teachers & Education Workers’ Union, Korean parents already ignore the laws to slave their kids away at hagwons.

“… many of the institutes in Seoul run all night already, and the revision will just proliferate their ‘obnoxious’ actions. ‘Do we really have to see children sleep in the classrooms and study at night in hagwon?’ he said. Hyun added that the revision is almost ‘violent” to students and warned that too much liberty could be disastrous.”

Enjoy it while you can, little grasshopper. That's my second boy, taking a nap.

Clearly, this guy does not underestimate the pack mentality of Korean parents, who’d rather cover their kids with hand sanitizer from head to toe as they push them into all nighters.  However, well-intentioned efforts like these may be futile, because according to this report by MedPie, lack of sleep prevents the flu vaccine from even working.

Ironically, the government flip flops on the issue earlier this year by trying to impose a 10PM curfew on hagwons, not so much for the sake of childrens’ health, but to reduce the cost of private education.  Either way, it’s an implicit admission that Korean society is certainly not mature enough to handle education deregulation on its own.

I think a valuable study would be to compare the academic and health metrics of students in Korea who get 8 hours of sleep versus those who get less.   I suspect the results will favor more sleep and shake some sense into parents like myself, because this report shows that while Korean youth study the most, their scores are lower.

Chung Jae-suk, cultural news editor at the Joonang Ilbo, wrote a refreshingly honest column in the aftermath of a young Korean American who quit the boyband 2PM because Korean netizens had dug up dirt on his myspace page and blasted him for saying, “Korea is gay. I hate Koreans” nearly four years ago.  Citing also a similar reaction to two foreign women from the show “Talk with Beauties” for their opinions on Korea, Chung then turns the table on the bloggers and haters by saying:

The Republic of Korea is young and dynamic, but in many ways, it is not mature. I blush as I think of a few examples. We advise first-time drivers not to signal when changing lanes. Lining up for the bathroom, we feel safe only standing right behind the person in front, so as not to lose the spot. We don’t smile at strangers. A society where the one with the louder voice always wins cannot say it is civilized or cultured.

Korean driver's ed: Use your turn signals to prevent tourists from thinking bad of the country.

Wow.  Add to that, whoever is hurt the most is always in the right.  Though I’ve never heard of advising new drivers to not signal during lane change.  That’s a weird one.

Let’s be reasonable. We need to change, and realize that we can overcome our shallowness only when we acknowledge differences and respect others. A grown-up with a mature ego listens to and learns from criticism.

For years, we have claimed that Korea has a spiritual civilization while the Western world has developed a materialist civilization. But the term ’spiritual civilization’ is more suitable for some island country with a higher happiness index. Let’s not rely on others and pretend to be noble. Let’s frankly admit our materialism. Then we might be able to live calmer lives.

Better said from one of their own than from some waygookin like me.

Here's Jae Beom of 2PM asking, "Shouldn't the gay community be more upset about my statement than the kpop fans?"

But I would add that Chung’s use of the word xenophobia is probably too strong of a word, if not misplaced, because I think Koreans don’t fear people who don’t look like them.  They fear negative criticism from anyone, whether they look like them or not.  That’s just human nature and could be said about any ethnic group.

I might possibly agree though that compared to my experience in the US, Korean reaction is more virulent towards negative criticism if credibility is suspect, for example, if motives aren’t perceived to be pure, if arrogance and apathy is detected, or if  the effort to understand Korea to begin with is perceived to be lacking.

Perhaps Chung’s real point is that Koreans are too quick to dismiss and blast negative criticism from foreigners, just because, well they’re foreigners.  But does that make them xenophobic?

The Korea Herald reports today that police are casting a wider net on those who fudge medical records:

“As of Saturday, police in Ilsan, Gyeonggii Province, summoned about 60 people who are suspected of having evaded military service by receiving operations on their shoulders which were normal or intentionally damaged.  A total of 203 people are under probe on the same charges. They include a pro-football player, a pro-gamer and a member of the national volleyball team, police said.”

Now offering services to draft dodgers!

Intentionally damaged? OUCH!! How does one even go about doing that?  (Why does the movie Saw come to mind?)

At least these 203 fellas didn’t get out the same way these 10 did, as mentioned by the Chosun Ilbo a few days earlier, who were exempted from military service due to a female-to-male sex change.  To be clear, Chosun Ilbo does not report anything criminal or find out why these 10 individuals performed the change for reasons other than a genuine gender reassignment.  I suspect that a large majority of conscripts fulfill their duty admirably.

This article simply states that female-to-male persons will no longer have to subject themselves to the indignity of a physical exam that violates human rights.  They only need to declare the change in the family registry. I suppose the shame of documenting the procedure for all to see at your local “gu” office ought to be enough incentive not to game the system.

Peculiarly enough though, the article states that male-to-female transsexuals are already exempt and the policy change only applies to female-to-male persons.  Hmm.

So what is the military’s verification system or rationale for male-to-female individuals that made them exempt from the humiliation that their counterparts endured?  Does that mean they never had to undergo inspections of genitals, and were trusted just by superficial appearances?

In other words, does that mean a guy could just put on a lipstick and a wig and get away with it? If so, wouldn’t that appear to be less painful than having a buddy slam your collarbone with a sledgehammer, jackass-style?  What are the numbers for male-to-female exemptions?

Today’s editorial in the Korea Herald is yet another warning that Korea’s low birth rate is perilous for the growth of the country.  The author contends that the “male oriented corporate culture” compels women “to make a choice between family and career”, both of which are doomed because of the unique nature of Korea:

“In Korea, we have a particular phenomenon in which both none-working women — because of financial constraints – and working women – because of work constraints – are averse to having children.”

The author’s recommendation to this looming crisis is that “the government should encourage businesses to adopt and firmly implement family-friendly corporate environment”.

Well, this is all fine and good to help expectant mothers with benefits like actually offering paid family leave, except that the government itself has a “male oriented corporate culture”.  This is somewhat like asking the fox to guard the henhouse.

Curiously though, to justify government intervention into the boardroom, the editorial insists that “… society as whole should share in the responsibilities of raising children; only then will women be encouraged to have more children”.  But why limit the definition of society to changing a few bullet points in the HR manual?

Coming soon to a theater near you: Korean National Treasures: Waygooks On The Loose!

I prefer to define “society” more liberally.  The real answer of course – and I’m only half joking in a tongue-in-cheek way – was literally under the author’s nose.  Right next to the question “So, what is to be done?” was the banner advertisement claiming to be the “international Korean dating site” and adorned with the smiling Korean girl ready to be asked out. (How coincidentally convenient!  I won’t mention it by name, but you all know what I’m talking about… It’ll probably show up again if you’re a guy.)

Now I know this may sound like heresy to conservative Koreans, but relaxing immigration policy to increase population growth may do more than just putting on a prettier face.  In the United States, according to the right leaning, Negative Population Growth:

“… the Census Bureau has found that first-generation immigrants tend to have higher fertility rates than the native-born.  When the demographic contribution of immigrants and their descendants is combined, we find that immigration will account for about two-thirds of future U.S. population growth.”

I think most would agree that immigration in America has helped it become the superpower it is today through the diversity of its ideas and perspectives, so I can’t imagine why it wouldn’t benefit Korea.

Maybe a great way to start is to make it easier for those allegedly uncivilized English teachers chasing Korean women around at nightclubs to get on the fast track to marriage!!! Even Lee Eun-ung, the leader of the Anti-English Spectrum group and crusader against unqualified English teachers, admitted that most of them are smart, hard working and decent.

A Cabinet member was compelled to say that the low birth rate issue is “even more menacing and dangerous than a North Korean nuclear bomb”.  On that scale, then I think diluting the purity of the Korean blood making immigration and naturalization more open and accessible -  just a little faster and wider – for the sake of economic growth and global competitiveness is worth it.

Plus, it won’t be the first time that Koreans put economic growth ahead of other fears.  Look at how they voted in Lee Myung bak.

Looks like we finally have accountability in the deaths of the campers who drowned during the mysterious Imjin river flood earlier this month.  The Korea Herald reports:

“An employee of the Korea Water Resources Corp., surnamed Song, and an employee of the Yeoncheon county office, surnamed Koh, face charges of dereliction of duty and professional negligence that resulted in deaths.”

Don't you guys monitor EVERYTHING along the DMZ?

Apparently, both should have known or did know about the rising water levels but failed to do notify anyone.  While this may serve as some measure of justice to the aggrieved families, I’m surprised that – after decades of being technically at war with the North and knowing their history of volatile, unpredictable behavior – the South Korean military, with all of  its advanced technology and 24/7 surveillance with US backing, doesn’t appear to have a river monitoring system of its own.

Holding civilian authorities accountable seems misplaced given that one might possibly argue that the flood was an act of war. For its part, North Korea explains it away as some kind of accident, that “a sudden surge in the dam’s water level” caused the emergency release, which doesn’t seem plausible given the lack of rain at the time. Indeed, Unification Minister Hyun In-Taek opinionated,

“I think the North did it intentionally.”

Maybe.  Who knows for sure?  I’ve asked seven of my Korean friends, from late 20’s to late 40’s, and they all believe it to be an accident.  Or perhaps, that’s what they want the waygookin to believe.

Accident or not, if North Korea can manage to secretly carve out a third tunnel back in 1978, they sure are capable of weaponizing a dam in 2009. Nothing I’ve read so far has questioned the military’s preparedness over this matter.

A refreshingly blunt editorial at the Chosun Ilbo argues that Olympic gold medalist Park Tae Hwan performed poorly at the 2009 World Championships in Rome because,

“After the Beijing Olympics, Park’s training was split between the national squad and a special team organized just for him by SK Telecom, the swimmer’s sponsor.  But the special team did not even have a coach, because it was difficult to find one who could match the caliber of the world-class athlete.”

Yea, having Park swim for two different coaches and training programs is probably not a good idea (uh, you think?!)  I can only speculate as to why that would be an acceptable arrangement for Park and the national team in the first place ($$$??).  However, he manages to lament as if he had no say in the matter:

“I couldn’t even have my own coach because of factional strife in the swimming community. I was really hurt by that.”

Park is young, only 20 years old, so I’m willing to give him a pass, especially in a Confucian culture where the words of those older than you are to be treated as if they were brought down in stone tablets by Moses.

SK's branded wireless internet service called Melon. This is keeping the iPhone from Korea?

But what puzzles me more is that the editorial ignores the question of why a sponsor should be arranging a special team in the first place.  What in the world does SK Telecom know about world class swimming?  Is their rolodex stocked with Olympic coaches to form this special team?  Heck, SK can’t even bring in the iPhone to the most wired country in the world.  Just slap the SK butterfly logo on his Speedos and get out of the way. Sheesh.

Can you imagine Herbalife, the sponsor for the LA Galaxy, forming a special team to help David Beckham?  Not.

National team coach Roh Min-sang, who trained Park, admitted,

“Senior officials in the swimming community must take responsibility for failing to help Park.”

So finally, last week in the Korea Times, KSF executive director Jung Il-chung announced,

“We and SK Telecom, Park’s sponsor, plan to search for a coach from swimming powerhouses such as Australia, the United States and Germany,”

Let’s hope the K-league (Korean pro soccer), whose teams are, to me, just an extension of a sponsor’s marketing budget, will get the hint from this episode as well.  Superstar Park Ji Sung tells it like it is in the Korea Times when the K-league flip flopped at the last minute on releasing players for the national squad:

“Declining to release players is a shame. Which league in the world runs its games on the international match day?”

All I have to say is… Fighteeng!!!

The Chosun Ilbo has finally confirmed what I had suspected to the question of why some of the high rise apartment condos have these way-over-the-top names like “Samsung Royal Palace” or “Lotte Castle Gold”.   Chae Won, a professor of Korean Language and Literature, says in the article,

“The preference for foreign names is a typical advertising gimmick to flatter consumers… Eloquent-sounding foreign names are used to get potential buyers to feel like they should know such words, since they are well educated.”

And an unnamed advertising expert adds,

“Most English words have been used, so builders are having to turn to German, French and even create new words… Nowadays, it’s awkward to use Korean names.”

Sure, it makes business sense for home builders and city planners to give new neighborhoods a creative, premium label to lure the wealthy, and while these interesting names have helped rich Koreans move in, they have likely triggered more than a few rolling eyeballs, groans and bewilderment from visitors and expats like me.

I just hope they don’t get so far ahead of themselves to be indifferent to their own faux pas.  (I can see it already… your Korean friend will say , “I live at Beautiful Ocean Front Schone Mar Devant Apt on Diamond Crest Terrace-ro in Taepyoung(3)-dong.  Come over to have some dokbokki Piccante Rizo Bastoni”.  Oh god no…

It’s a little sad and ironic because for a country that prides itself on its Korean-ness, they sure are quick to attribute material wealth with foreign words rather than their own.  My Korean language instructor at Yonsei believes that many Korean linguists are afraid their vocabulary will gradually be relegated in favor of their Western equivalents.  Even now for example, bars and pubs in Seoul that offer chicken (usually fried) don’t use the Korean word for chicken (닭고기) on its storefront or menus, but often spell it in Korean just as it sounds in English (치킨).

Well, at least Korea’s fancy residential names are still consistent with their high property values, unlike many parts of the United States, where somewhat goofy European names in upscale communities have done nothing to reverse the crash in home prices.

Korea now apparently has the world’s largest movie screen at the Yeongdeungpo CGV multiplex in western Seoul.  The Korea Herald reports,

“CJ CGV said the 407.94 square-meter screen which measures 31.38 meters in length and 13 meters in width is currently in consideration for the Guinness Book of World Records as the world’s largest cinema screen.”

That is BIG and I’m sure it’d be an awesome experience, but aside from the minor confusion of the reporter using the word “width” to describe vertical height, the biggest movie screen in the world that I know of has a Korean name attached to it as well: the LG IMAX Theater Sydney in Australia.  It boasts:

“The IMAX Theatre Sydney in Darling Harbour is home to the world’s largest cinema screen at 29.42m high by 35.73m wide – covering an area of more than 1,015 square metres. They just don’t come any bigger!”

I doubt that Guinness would find 407 m² to be bigger than 1,015 m², so either CJ CGV is completely clueless about what its Korean counterpart has already been promoting Down Under, or they have a very strict definition of “movie screen” that doesn’t count IMAX technology, which doesn’t make sense to me.  Doing that might qualify it to be #9 on this guy’s list of 8 least impressive Guinness World records.